# FEAR * __________

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Its me and dear.

hoohoo.
Hi all.
Im amanda. The owner of this blog.
Hmm. Jus came back home not long ago.
Went to meet dear cos he's sick. Bought him fish soup, zhui kuay, medicine and water.
Hope he's feeling a little better now? =(
Feeling so helpless cos i think i passed him the virus but yet i cant do anything.
Sry dear. ='(
Didnt blog for quite a period of time le cos kinda lazy. >.<

Hmm. Im always having moodswing at the wrong time.

He noticed it jus now and he asked me if im ok.

I dun wan him to feel ridiculous so i jus kept to myself.

Been having alot of moodswings lately. Even i feel sorry for myself.

Is this exactly mood swing? Or is it depression.

I can actually ignore the person i love most when im having it.

People who are affected by my nonsense: *dear. mum. dad. sis

Firstly. Wanna say a big sorry to my sister here.

We had the biggest arguement b4 new year. We didnt talked to each other throughout CNY.

Felt very sad but i dun like to say mushy stuff like:

*Im sry.
*Hello Daddy and Mummy ! Im back home !

*I know im in the wrong.

and stuff like tat...

I mean i dare to tell them in letter but i jus cant say those words out when im standing in front

of them.

Sometimes my parent jus dun understand my way of doing things.

Althou i dun like to greet them when im home but i prefer greeting them in a different manner like:

*Wa. U noe wad happened today?

*Today super tired.

*Got anything to eat?

I know it sound super ridiculous but yes. This is me. I dun like girls saying things tat makes my hair stand.

I trying to change now mummy. I promise. I will greet Daddy and u when i reached home everytime ok? Deep down inside u shld know i love u guys. Gosh. I starting to say mushy thing now.

Guess.. Wad im gonna say in the next sentence will certainly make ur hair stand but still i wanna say.

This time.
Its to my bf. Brandon.

Hmm dear. We have been separately for quite a long time le.

I reali reali did alot of reflections on how have i been treating u in the past.

I didnt cherish u at all.

Luckily we are back together now if nt this will be my biggest regret.
Reali.

U have been saying stuff like 'restrictions' ?

Jus wann u to noe.

I rather have a bf tat sets up restrictions frm stopping me to do this and tat, than a bf who doesnt care and let me do wad ever i wan.

Cos this will makes me feel insecure, makes me feel u doesnt care.

But i noe u cared alot for me.

Sometimes i know i say things without tinkin of the consequences but thank u dear.

Thank you for stopping me and made me think properly.U taught me wads right frm wrong.

U gave me confidence when im down and out.

U are the second person who told me my voice is nice.

The first 1 is my mum >,<

I dun wan to have anymore regrets so i told myself to cherish u and give u wads best.

U once told me u are sry. Cos u think im changing myself for the sake of u.

But guess wad. This aint so.

I've changed long ago.

I prepared to commit myself for this relationship.

I wanna soar the sky wid u.

I wan to fill in the blanks in ur life and makes ur life a little more interesting.

Allow me to do so ok?

Hmm. Thank for u everything.

I love u dear.

_______________________________________

Mum and Dad. Once again. In happy to have u as my parent, i believe u guys are the best parent on earth. U gave me ALOT of freedom and ESP. my mum. She trust me alot. Reali alot.

Tats why i would nv wan to disappoint her. Abt the final year exams this year. Dun u worry Mummy Daddy. I will pass the report book to u in ur hand wid a big wide smile on my face =DD

_______________________________________

Sis. Sorry for hitting u. Didnt mean it. I knw im hot-tempered everytime. But im glad we are good friends again. Thank u for forgving me again. I swear i wont do things tat hurt u. Thank you for all the guidances like

*boyfriend?

*wad to wear on a date?

*how to put make ups?

*how to make important choices in life?

and lastly. Thank u for recommending YCKSS to me when i was pri6.

If not i wont have met dear. ='(

_______________________________________

And last person i wanna thank. Dear.

Hmm. I guess u are the person who understands me more than any1(excluding family).

U are the one who can reali know if im feeling ok at the right time.

U noticed something is wrong today when i was walking wid u.

Sry if i've affected u in anyway dear.

U gave me hopes and dreams.

U accompanied me ytd when i was sitting alone at the bus stop cos im too scared to stay at home alone.(heard noises coming frm my sis's room =x)

U pei me chat today when no one was at shine centre.

Without u. I dun wads the becoming of me.

Reali. Thank u for giving us one more chance and giving in to me EVERYTIME.

When im not thinking clearly. U would point out wads wrong and make it right.

Dun ever leave me again.

I reali hope u will stand by me and guide me along the path of my life.

I love you dear.

feared 7:12:00 PM