# FEAR * __________

Monday, April 16, 2007

Hmm. its such a long time since i've blog.
think its time i update a little.
things have been going fine for me and him.
not saying this bcos i hope something will happen between us.
jus feel very happy tat he can tolerate me. haha.
actually im easily jealous. im hot tempered. im unreasonable. and MORE.
but he still stood quietly by me. no matter how bad i m. he will stil say im the best and stuff.
very fortunate to have dear back again.
jus wanna say. sorry dear. have to make u listen to me singing every night.
haha. my 'CONCERT' . =P
i've asked alot of my friends(attached).
i asked him if they will think of getting married in the future wid their gf/bf ma?
some say yes but mostly no.
NO : wad for get married now stil young play play one la amanda.
YES : i will somehow think la but i dun think its possible.
i dunno whether is it right for us to think this way. for me of cos i think of getting married wid him in the future.
i know we are still young but to me i wanna last long wid him tats why i wil think this way.
i dunno abt him i dunno if he said those things like wanna marry me and stuff jus to make me happy or wad?
but still. i will wait for 17/10/2014. =]
i told my friends if u dun think of getting married wid ur gf/bf den wad for being wid them now? is u know u aint gonna last wid her/him den why start a relationship wid them?
its unfair.
another issue abt our relationship is....
our parents ba.
both of our parents aint very supportive abt us being together again.
for my mum she shld know i waited so long jus to get him back as in. she know i regreted letting him go. but why treat me this way? i wil study well for my exams i gave u my words already. jus let me do it my way. i know wad im doing.
dear de mum ols the same ba. but i hope dear is not affected by both our parents.
i cant say im not ABIT affected la. somehow this kinda thing happened sure wil affect a little.
but i will have faith in our relationship. right dear?
my dad spoke to me yesterday night. he said our relationship now isnt true. its jus puppy love.
i was kinda angry to be exact cos he cannot jus comment our relationship jus like tat.
he doesnt know wad happened all along. he doenst know how much i loved him.
TO DAD : daddy its more than meet the eye. its not tat simple as it may turned out to u.
hmm. seriously im quite affected by wad dad had said. not tat i trust my dad. not tat i listen to wad he says. not tat i dun have faith in my bf. but im jus afraid wad he says will come true one day.
im really very scared tat after dear leave school le. he met new girl de class mates. den spend more time wid them more than me(this cant be stopped one) den he will have feelings for them. i know dear gave me his word le. but he never know wad may happen in the future. if he know u will have a change of heart next time den he will be God le. as in he cant predict his feelings de. even dog will change master. let alone human. hais. my mum told me to let nature take its course. think shld be this wya ba. i shldnt worry so much?
i wont let myself make the smae mistakes anymore. i wil cherish dear de. trust me k?
its 12 pm le ?! happy 2nd anniversary laogong !
thank you for all the times u've spent wid me. more months and years and forever to go.
muacks dear.
PIGGY love FROGGY forever =]

feared 11:49:00 PM

Thursday, March 08, 2007

my heart wans to say something

Its me and dear.

hoohoo.
Hi all.
Im amanda. The owner of this blog.
Hmm. Jus came back home not long ago.
Went to meet dear cos he's sick. Bought him fish soup, zhui kuay, medicine and water.
Hope he's feeling a little better now? =(
Feeling so helpless cos i think i passed him the virus but yet i cant do anything.
Sry dear. ='(
Didnt blog for quite a period of time le cos kinda lazy. >.<

Hmm. Im always having moodswing at the wrong time.

He noticed it jus now and he asked me if im ok.

I dun wan him to feel ridiculous so i jus kept to myself.

Been having alot of moodswings lately. Even i feel sorry for myself.

Is this exactly mood swing? Or is it depression.

I can actually ignore the person i love most when im having it.

People who are affected by my nonsense: *dear. mum. dad. sis

Firstly. Wanna say a big sorry to my sister here.

We had the biggest arguement b4 new year. We didnt talked to each other throughout CNY.

Felt very sad but i dun like to say mushy stuff like:

*Im sry.
*Hello Daddy and Mummy ! Im back home !

*I know im in the wrong.

and stuff like tat...

I mean i dare to tell them in letter but i jus cant say those words out when im standing in front

of them.

Sometimes my parent jus dun understand my way of doing things.

Althou i dun like to greet them when im home but i prefer greeting them in a different manner like:

*Wa. U noe wad happened today?

*Today super tired.

*Got anything to eat?

I know it sound super ridiculous but yes. This is me. I dun like girls saying things tat makes my hair stand.

I trying to change now mummy. I promise. I will greet Daddy and u when i reached home everytime ok? Deep down inside u shld know i love u guys. Gosh. I starting to say mushy thing now.

Guess.. Wad im gonna say in the next sentence will certainly make ur hair stand but still i wanna say.

This time.
Its to my bf. Brandon.

Hmm dear. We have been separately for quite a long time le.

I reali reali did alot of reflections on how have i been treating u in the past.

I didnt cherish u at all.

Luckily we are back together now if nt this will be my biggest regret.
Reali.

U have been saying stuff like 'restrictions' ?

Jus wann u to noe.

I rather have a bf tat sets up restrictions frm stopping me to do this and tat, than a bf who doesnt care and let me do wad ever i wan.

Cos this will makes me feel insecure, makes me feel u doesnt care.

But i noe u cared alot for me.

Sometimes i know i say things without tinkin of the consequences but thank u dear.

Thank you for stopping me and made me think properly.U taught me wads right frm wrong.

U gave me confidence when im down and out.

U are the second person who told me my voice is nice.

The first 1 is my mum >,<

I dun wan to have anymore regrets so i told myself to cherish u and give u wads best.

U once told me u are sry. Cos u think im changing myself for the sake of u.

But guess wad. This aint so.

I've changed long ago.

I prepared to commit myself for this relationship.

I wanna soar the sky wid u.

I wan to fill in the blanks in ur life and makes ur life a little more interesting.

Allow me to do so ok?

Hmm. Thank for u everything.

I love u dear.

_______________________________________

Mum and Dad. Once again. In happy to have u as my parent, i believe u guys are the best parent on earth. U gave me ALOT of freedom and ESP. my mum. She trust me alot. Reali alot.

Tats why i would nv wan to disappoint her. Abt the final year exams this year. Dun u worry Mummy Daddy. I will pass the report book to u in ur hand wid a big wide smile on my face =DD

_______________________________________

Sis. Sorry for hitting u. Didnt mean it. I knw im hot-tempered everytime. But im glad we are good friends again. Thank u for forgving me again. I swear i wont do things tat hurt u. Thank you for all the guidances like

*boyfriend?

*wad to wear on a date?

*how to put make ups?

*how to make important choices in life?

and lastly. Thank u for recommending YCKSS to me when i was pri6.

If not i wont have met dear. ='(

_______________________________________

And last person i wanna thank. Dear.

Hmm. I guess u are the person who understands me more than any1(excluding family).

U are the one who can reali know if im feeling ok at the right time.

U noticed something is wrong today when i was walking wid u.

Sry if i've affected u in anyway dear.

U gave me hopes and dreams.

U accompanied me ytd when i was sitting alone at the bus stop cos im too scared to stay at home alone.(heard noises coming frm my sis's room =x)

U pei me chat today when no one was at shine centre.

Without u. I dun wads the becoming of me.

Reali. Thank u for giving us one more chance and giving in to me EVERYTIME.

When im not thinking clearly. U would point out wads wrong and make it right.

Dun ever leave me again.

I reali hope u will stand by me and guide me along the path of my life.

I love you dear.

feared 7:12:00 PM

Saturday, February 10, 2007

life's like this. =X

im currently at my cousin's place.
its his birthdae today.
he's aint back so im using his com to update my blog.
i felt so uncomfortable wid my short pant and my new T-shirt.
so i opened my grandma's drawer and found a reali retro pyjamas. (on top)
wearing it right now.
so jus hope my cousins wont call me 'AH MA' frm the back. LOL =.=
alrite. done wid my posting today
*miss him alot* =]

feared 5:55:00 PM

time to get serious. xD

its my second posting of the day and i must realli say im getting the hang of this freaky thing.
its so hard to find the entries, links, tag and profile.
i think its because my eyes are small.
im jus feeling so sad.
so so sad.
how i realli wish God would jus grab me along on his way to heaven. or rather.. hell.
hmm.
maybe things will be slightly better in times to come.

feared 12:51:00 AM

Friday, February 09, 2007

*My First Posting =] !

this is the first time im posting on my new blog.
(CREDITS- *arena !)
realli wanna thank her.
for teaching me how to operate this confusing shit !
haha.
thank u thank u.
anyway. there's still alot to learn frm her.

feared 5:10:00 PM